Stop Digging, Keep Busy

May 25, 2015

I got a call today from a friend going through an ugly breakup. The man she unconditionally loves is nothing but a toxic mess for her. I know what it’s like to be in a toxic relationship all too well…I did it for 5 years and when I hear other toxic relationship stories, it reminds me of how great of a choice I made to finally get out of mine. It’s never easy to leave someone you love even though you know they aren’t good for you, but, we have to find a way to get the strength to do what’s best and healthy for us.

The biggest mistake I made after I was contacted by my husband’s mistresses was to continue to dig for more dirt. I looked up every phone number, social media site, and Googled every woman’s name that came my way. All that did was keep my heart hurting, the tears flowing, the anger brewing, and me stuck from moving forward. That is not only exhausting…it’s unhealthy and affects you in more ways than you fail to realize. The more I dug, the more I was devastated and couldn’t focus on moving on with my life. Friends and family would tell me how exhausted I looked and I really think all the digging was taking a toll on me.

It wasn’t till I stopped digging that I started to actually feel better and enjoy life again. When we search for more dirt we do not realize that we are just continuing to hurt ourselves and preventing any type of growth or healing after going through heartache. In all honesty, the less we know the better. I mean think about it…if you were in relationship with a douchebag that lied, cheated, got other women pregnant, stole money from you, hit you, lived a double/triple life, etc etc…what on earth do you need to keep digging for? It’s clear the man you loved is a total jerk…do you really need to hear more of the devastating crap he has and/or is doing? Like I said, I made this mistake myself. Keep your head up and keep your eyes looking forward. There is no sense in searching for any kind of answers about why the person you loved did all they have done to you. Someone worthy of you would be loyal, have no dirty secrets, and definitely not be living a double life. We need to learn how to just let go of things that are impossible to figure out and of people that don’t want to love us the way we deserve to be loved.


What I have found that has worked for me, is to keep busy doing things that are better for me. Get out of bed, throw the box of tissues away, pick yourself up, get dolled up, and do things. KEEPING BUSY is the trick to keeping your mind off of digging and moving towards being healed, over the heartache, and over a douchebag.

Here is a list of some ideas:

  • Mediate
  • Hang out with old friends
  • Make new friends
  • Strengthen family bonds
  • Get better at your job
  • Take classes
  • Tend to the hobbies & passions you normally don’t have time for
  • Road trips
  • Visit museums, art galleries, or historical sites
  • Plan a girl’s picnic
  • Take fitness classes
  • Go for walks at a nearby track or park
  • Pamper yourself at home with a bubble bath
  • Catch up on the latest books
  • Join a singles group
  • Make new friends at your community church
  • Try new foods
  • Start writing to let your emotions out and vent
  • Keep a journal of your daily thoughts, ideas, and bucket list ideas
  • Book a spa day
  • Go on vacation
  • Never turn down an invitation to do something fun
  • Go to local events
  • Volunteer in your community
  • Start a business
  • Buy a house, renovate and/or rearrange your home
  • Save money
  • Get to know yourself