It’s been very humbling losing a second income in my house. I know struggles are temporary, but sometimes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Leaving a full time job I loved to fix my marriage was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. It felt like the right thing to do at the time and with having my own schedule, I was able to put more time and energy into my beauty studio which originally was a side thing as well as my marriage on the rocks. I love what I do; my beauty studio isn’t a big fancy place, but it’s filled with passion, my years of expertise, great energy, auras of many wonderful people, and feels like home to many.
Today has been a bit rough for me; with many events and conferences I wanted to attend this week, there’s no way I could afford to. I now need to do what I need to do to support a household on my own all while maintaining 2 businesses. There are days I want to quit. There are days I wish I could just cry all day. There are days I feel like I’m failing or have failed. I have to convince myself that this is just a big bump in the road and all these struggles will make sense one day. I hope I’m right.
I now see why people stay in unhealthy marriages and relationships, why people go back to exes, and why they allow themselves to lose who they are rather than break free. It is a drastic change going from sharing a life with someone to all on your own whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, and especially financially. It’s hard to stand on your own two feet but at the same time it’s liberating. When you’re trying to start over and recreate a life for yourself, fear isn’t an option if you want to make it. I see others around me unhappy. They’re in marriages and relationships and not even in love. They’d rather go back to what once was or stay stuck because it’s easier to continue with what they’re use to, despite how bad it is. They’re only fooling themselves and life is way too short to settle, be with someone unfaithful, abusive, controlling, and/or doesn’t meet you halfway to make the relationship work.
I may have struggles now, but I can finally sleep at night knowing no one is out there skirting around behind my back. It has been hard for me to accept my marriage being over but just because it is doesn’t mean my life is. I know it’ll get better, it has to. With all this said and on a positive note, I feel blessed. I have a home, reliable transportation, a very loving family, supportive friends, a growing career that is also a passion, and my dignity. I’m stubborn but I’m skilled enough to make it. I’m short in size but my appetite for success fuels me to keep going. And most of all, when the struggles are over, I’ll be in a much better place able to share all my accomplishments with someone special one day.
Thursday Thoughts is a weekly series to share my random and personal thoughts with my readers so that they will get to know me a bit more; the series is just for fun, sharing, is therapeutic for me, and to make you think of situations yourself.